little green notebook

If I’m not writing daily here, it’s in my little green, scratched-up, one-subject notebook. I’ve had it for years, starting as a prayer journal (oh, how times change), and ending as an… everything journal. I’m using it for work/poetry/random writings/drawings when I get bored…. yeah. Like a “Wreck this Journal,” but without all the templates!

Oddly, it eases my mind. It takes all the “pressure” that I put on myself up and away, far into the clouds where no one can see it. It’s preservation — of what I am and what I could be. Even in supposed nonchalant journaling — which I’m told is supposed to be a release — I tend to put too much pressure on myself and think there’s some kind of rulebook to follow. Someone to impress. I mean, after all, David Sedaris publishes his diaries.

And as much as I love David Sedaris, I put myself into this unrealistic box to mold my writing to fit the interesting narrative he can create, or set myself onto this nonexistent journey to become mindful of my manifestations or what I’m writing into existence. Maybe it’s because writing feels so final to me, even if it can be edited, even if it’s tucked away into drawers, even if it’s within this random aeroplane of the internet that holds content by the gajillions.*

This little green notebook, instead, provides a comfort. It’s the notebook I never expected to love so much. I’m always picking out notebooks and journals that promise perfection and pretty handwriting. At the end of the day, it’s the place that promises nothing but the idea of nonsense.

The nonsense provides my personal (albeit selective) perfectionism to write for freedom and clarity. My soul picks up on the release, and it feeds my brain to keep going. To keep on. To keep on keeping on, if you will. (If you’re one of those who bought a sign like this or put it in your social media bios… you doing OK?)

I hope you, too, may find happiness and freedom… whether in a little green notebook or in your own little comforts.

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take care,

hannah

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*My Grammarly did not flag the word “gajillions” so I guess it truly is a word. Who knew?